A Letter to that Kid I used to Love.

I don't know if it's just the weather, but I start to think of you..
... and what we would've had.

I used to dream we'd elope together. When we were older, of course. To Las Vegas, yes.
I imagined being married, you and I. Painting our ceiling fans and me kissing you with paint still in our hair.

I would imagine traveling with you. We would see how many different libraries we could make out in around this planet. We would have seen how many librarians would kick us out.

And, when we would have babies, you would read to them- Harold and the Purple Crayon, The Tale of Peter Rabbit, and The Chronicles of Narnia. And I would have attempted to sew them their creepy little Halloween costumes. And you would have let them draw all over your face and neck with markers like that super cool Uncle of yours does. I know you would because I know you. Because we were in love.

But I would have known you'd be sad sometimes. But I would have made you smile. Because, I know that you'd look at my eyes and my orthodontist's work of a smile, and you can't help it. Because you know me. Because you loved me.

I wanted, someday, to bury my face into your hair. Then I could drink in the color of coffee...   without breaking the word of wisdom. Because with hair like yours, who needs coffee? With you, who needs caffeine?

I wanted to take your phone messages for you. "No, I'm sorry, he is unavailable at the moment. Can I take a message?" Why, yes, uhhu, this is his wife. Why yes, we are in love.

I wished we'd go to the zoo together. But we couldn't hold hands in that sunlight. And we couldn't have held tall, colorful balloons either. Because I'd be pushing the stroller and you'd be chasing down our boy with the wildest curls in the park. Vice Verse. We'd loose him twice just at the gorillaz exhibit alone. Which we would have expected, because he's just as wild as you.

I would have hoped to be wrapped in your pretty revolting thrifted sweater and be so warm. And feel your love. I wanted to climb under blankets and sheets and comforters and afghans and any cover we could find and be next to you, on a day much colder day than this one. I would have wished to sleep in with you. Not have sex with you or anything like that, I just wanted you holding me in the early morning and for me to feel the warmth of your body beside the warmth of mine. That's what I would have wanted.

Would have, could have...

And you probably know that I could never finish this post completely. Because you know me. Because we used to be in love.